If I Could, I’d Leave You All 5 Stars

 A Jungle Built on Love (and a Bit of Soil)

Sometimes after a long day , soil under my nails, moss in my beard, and a cup of cold coffee beside me , I scroll through your reviews.

And honestly, it feels like being hugged by a hundred houseplant angels through a Wi-Fi signal.

I started The Bearded Plantaholic with nothing more than a passion for greenery, a dream, and a questionable haircut. But what you lot have created… is something else entirely.

It’s not just a business. It’s a family of plant-loving legends.

“It wasn’t like going to a shop. It was like visiting a friend.”

“We were greeted at the gates like long-lost friends. Couldn’t have felt more welcome.” — Miranda Townsend

“It was more than a plant shopping trip, it was a plant experience.” — Alexandra Fox

“Bought a Baby Box — plants were packed very well and all were safe and sound. A week on and they’re thriving!” — Helen Gilbert

“It’s like Christmas, only I knew I’d like what was in the box!” — BlackCoffee

“I can’t wait to see my favourite giant plant man again.” — Alexandra Fox

Click On The Image Above To Leave Me A Google Review

You don’t just come here for plants, you come for the connection, the laughter, the shared madness that makes this community feel like one giant, overgrown family.

“The plants arrived like they’d travelled first class.”

“The way he packed the plant was amazing — the soil was still moist after travelling across the Irish Sea!” — John Williams

“Beautiful, well-packaged, and more important than that — well-rooted.” — Deborah Travis

“Every single leaf perfect. Not a dent.” — John Williams

“Such great quality and well packed. I’ve bought plants twice now!” — Zoé Borwick

“Plants came quickly and were well protected in transit and in great shape when I removed the packaging.” — Claire Ann

Packing isn’t just logistics, it’s a love language. Every cup, every layer of moss, every taped box is a quiet little promise:

“I care about this plant. And I care about where it’s going.”

 “You can feel the love when you open the box.”

“He really looks after you after your purchase. Takes time to answer any questions.” — Andy Besford

“It shows the love the guy has for his plants and wants you to feel that love when you unpack them.” — John Williams

“Jonny and Char are such lovely people — they make the experience so much better.” — Meg Harris

“Great comms, fantastic service, and great quality products. Highly recommended.” — Roy Fletcher

Every kind word is like a watering can to my soul.

You remind me that this isn’t about transactions — it’s about transformation. About helping people fall in love with nature all over again.

“The Bearded Plant God” (I swear I didn’t write that one)

“Three beautiful plant babies arrived looking absolutely gorgeous. Thank you, you bearded plant god.” — Liz Boyd

“Jonny’s like a wizard when it comes to his setup.” — Matthew Cole

“Anyone even slightly interested in plants is going to fall in love with Jonny.” — Tammie Stumbo

“I absolutely do recommend him — the knowledge, the charisma, the riz!” — Gina Knutson

“You are so brilliant and so funny. I just love him!” — Jacqueline Lee

“He’s got riz… but for plants.”

You’ve turned my day-to-day graft into something electric — and that’s entirely down to you.

“I Don’t Do Plants… But Jonny’s Made Me Want To.”

“I bought a plant last year. It’s still alive and thriving, which has nothing to do with me, but it’s a really nice plant. Jonny’s care and knowledge make you want to buy plants and grow gigantic Alocasia — whatever they are.” — Jen Barnes

Even the self-confessed plant killers are giving it another go.

That’s the greatest compliment imaginable.

 “If there was such a thing as a million percent…”

“If there was such a thing as a million percent, that’s how much I’d recommend them.” — Claire Mills

“My plants arrived in perfect condition — I’ve bought so many times I’ve lost count.” — Meg H.

“They’re thriving, growing, and full of life.” — Helen Neal

“The plants arrived super fast, well packaged, and well-rooted.” — Amy Roberts

You see , it’s not me giving these plants life. It’s you.

You nurture them, talk to them, celebrate every new leaf.

And in doing so, you keep this whole green-hearted ecosystem alive.

From Me, To You

You’ve built this jungle.

You’ve given it a heartbeat.

And if I could, I’d leave you all 5 stars — for your kindness, your loyalty, your humour, and your endless planty passion.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

For your patience with Royal Mail.

For your excitement over every baby leaf.

For kissing your Spanish moss in the morning (yes, I saw that one).

For being the reason this dream is alive.

My Review of You

“Absolutely perfect.

Couldn’t recommend more.

10/10 human beings.

Would grow with again.”

One love, tiny phone people. 🌿💚

— Jonny (The Bearded Plantaholic)