Why Your Houseplant’s Not Growing – And Why It Might Be Your Fault (Sorry)

Let’s rip the plaster off, shall we?

If your plant is sitting there like a sad green paperweight, refusing to grow, push out new leaves, or show even a hint of enthusiasm - it might not be the plant. It might be you.

Don’t worry, I say that with love. We’ve all done it. Bought a gorgeous, leafy beauty, whispered affirmations to it, popped it in the wrong corner, drowned it with love (and water), and then stood there three weeks later saying, “Why aren’t you growing, you ungrateful sod?”

Well, allow me - The Bearded Plantaholic - to break down why your plant is ghosting your efforts… and how to fix it.

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Plants are not psychic. They can’t magically photosynthesise in a dark hallway with zero natural light. If your Monstera is squinting in a dingy corner, it’s not being dramatic—it’s starving.

✅ Fix it: Learn the difference between bright indirect light, low light, and direct sun. Then move your plant accordingly. Use grow lights if your house is more dungeon than jungle.

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Let’s talk about root rot. If your plant has yellowing leaves, soggy soil, and a smell that says “I’ve made poor choices,” you might be loving it a bit too hard.

On the flip side, if it’s crispy, browning, and sad—you’ve ghosted it like a Tinder date after one too many cat photos.

✅ Fix it: Learn your plant’s water needs. Use the weight test—feel the pot when it’s dry and after watering. Water when it feels light. And for the love of chlorophyll, get a pot with drainage.

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Roots circling, stunted growth, and “meh” vibes? You might be dealing with a root-bound situation. Or maybe it’s still stuck in the nursery pot with gluey peat sludge.

✅ Fix it: Repot into something breathable (hello, chunky mix!) and give it a little room to stretch. Doesn’t have to be massive—but do something.

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Spider mites, thrips, fungus gnats… if there’s something crawling, biting, or webbing, your plant is in survival mode, not growth mode.

✅ Fix it: Start with neem oil, predator mites, or a high-pressure shower. Control the pests = unlock the growth.

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Plants have a rhythm. Many slow down during winter or periods of low light. It’s not you, it’s them.

✅ Fix it: If your environment is artificially warm and well-lit (like mine), you may not see a true dormant period. But if you’re relying on a north-facing window in January—cut the plant some slack.

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✨ Final Thought: Plants Don’t Lie

If it’s not growing, it’s talking to you. Every yellow leaf, every droop, every stubborn pause is feedback. It’s not about being perfect—it’s about paying attention.

Want thriving plants? Start by tuning into their needs—not your Pinterest board.

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