🌿 The Plant Personality Test: Discover Your Perfect Indoor Green Match
- Jonny Balchandani
- 23 hours ago
- 2 min read
Let’s face it — you don’t just want a plant.
You want the right plant.
The one that suits your light, your lifestyle, and your level of commitment (or neglect).
This isn’t a BuzzFeed quiz. It’s a shortcut to finding your perfect plant soulmate — using only the rare, showstopping, and low-maintenance beauties I’ve actually got in stock right now.
Answer three questions in the plant personality test. Scroll to meet your match. Then bring it home and flex.
1. What kind of light does your space get? (phase one in the plant personality test)
Bright, filtered light
You’ve got a sunny spot with gentle rays. Think east- or south-facing windows with a sheer curtain, or bright rooms with ambient natural light.
Medium to indirect light
Not a dark cave, but not sun-soaked either. This covers most normal rooms — especially west- or north-facing with a bit of distance from the window.
Low light
Dim corners, hallway tables, spots where the plant might just have to believe in the concept of daylight.
2. What’s your care style?
“I water when I remember.”
You’re busy, chaotic, or just thriving in disarray. You want something that forgives.
“I like routine but don’t want drama.”
You’re consistent, but not up for diva behaviour.
“I want something special, but chill.”
You love rare plants and a statement moment — but not if it comes with mood swings and crispy tantrums.
3. What’s your plant vibe?
Bold and majestic
Big leaves, commanding presence, something you can low-key brag about.
Sweet elegance
Soft lines, beautiful textures, the kind of plant that makes your room feel curated.
Textural charm
Weird, wonderful foliage that adds character and conversation.
Marble-y aesthetic
You love variegation, subtle patterns, and leaves that look like art prints.
🌱 Your Matchmaking Table:
Light Level | Care Style | Your Vibe | Your Match |
Bright | Special but chill | Bold & majestic | |
Bright | Special but chill | Sweet elegance | |
Bright | Routine, no drama | Textural charm | |
Bright | Routine, no drama | Sweet elegance | |
Medium/Indirect | Routine, no drama | Marble aesthetic | |
Medium/Indirect | Routine, no drama | Textural charm | |
Medium/Indirect | Casual care | Metallic sheen |
No Drama, All Vibes
Let’s be honest — most of us have chosen the wrong plant at some point.
It looked good on Instagram, but then it came home and flopped like a Victorian fainting couch.
This guide exists to stop that happening again.
Every plant above is:
In stock (for now)
Handpicked by me
Either rare, underrated, or a total grower’s dream
So whether you’re the kind of person who sets calendar watering reminders, or you’re winging it with a watering can and a vague sense of guilt — there’s something on the shelf that’ll thrive under your kind of chaos.
Ready to Meet Your Match?
Match made? Fantastic.
Tap the plant name to go straight to its product page and bring it home before it’s gone.
Need help narrowing it down or want a Zoom consultation? Just reply to this email or pop into The Haven over the weekend — I’m always up for a bit of plant matchmaking.
Comments